It's when any one tries to take advantage of the vulnerabilities of another for personal gain. I have seen a woman who had double digit years 13 stepped... I was told early on that one 13th step is..."My life is completely unmanageable, I ride a really nice bicycle, live with my parents, am looking for a job and have 32 days of continuous sobriety and I want to share it all with you babe! I had stuck by her side after 10 yrs of alcoholism ruined whatever intimacy we had together. PM me and I'll give you more details to validate the story. There are a few self-centered jerks who attempt to take advantage of others in EVERY aspect of life - in the work place, in your circle of friends, in the church, and yes, sometimes in AA.I begged her to quit, and protected her from hitting rock bottom (my mistake in hindsight). She went through outpatient treatment, which required joining AA. later, and she is now sleeping with her sponsor 20 yrs her senior, and blaming me for her drinking. It is absolutely inexcusable for someone to do what your wife's sponsor did, and I understand how that could make you have a terrible opinion about all of AA in general, but that simply is not the case. There are kind, loving and caring folks in and out of AA. I have to protect myself from the self-centered manipulative SOB's who have their own issues going on and have some sick need to try and make themselves feel better while causing pain to others.
My behaviour was really the result of defects of character that had not been removed yet. Many of us, as the alcohol leaves our systems, experience strong feelings and we don't always know what they are. It's very unfair for a member to hit on a newcomer who hasn't yet got their feet on the ground. Because if someone has not yet had their spiritual experience they may not survive the emotional upheaval that goes with these relationships.
We get better through working the steps, but the emotional maturity that brings balance to our emotional lives, can take a long time to develop. But, as a 13 step survivor whose spiritual experience began during the relationship, I learned a great deal.
I had no knowledge of or experience with right motives.
I survived and was able to learn from the experience because in spite of my poor behaviour in regard to relationships, I was very serious about recovery, and I was working through the steps the whole time. We try and gently let newcomers know the risks and dangers, and some of us will take a harder line with obvious predatory behaviour.
I was very flattered, and allowed all this to feed my ego because I thought the drinking had played a number on my looks. After I had more time in AA and had researched and found they even have a name for this-- 13th Stepping, I realized that this was nothing to be flattered about at all.
The age range of these men I would say is late 30's to 70's. For quite a while, I try very hard to avoid hugging people who have intentions other than the business of AA in mind. I have put up with it and have just tried to avoid him as much as possible.
I am friendly, but not too friendly around men, where it can be misinterpreted that I have an interest in them. He doesn't come to as many meetings which I attend. After the meeting, I passed by him and two other men he was talking to and he made one of his inappropriate comments to me--right in front of those men. I stopped, turned around, pointed a finger at him and told him in a very firm voice that I was going to have to have a talk with him because I am not that new in AA anymore.
I wasn't joking and by the look on my face he knew it.
So that's my part in it."13th Stepping" is when someone who has been in AA for a while preys on newcomers. I guess despite being sober and working the Steps, there are some folks who are still needy and have the desire to prove it to themselves that they are desirable...either that or they are just plain ole horny.