The threat to abandon can be vague and doesn’t have to be conditional (“If you do/ don’t do something – I will leave you”).
When you confront a narcissist, you must be insistent and shout back.
Before considering strategies about how to confront a narcissist, take a look at what you want out of the interaction.
What can you expect when you do confront a narcissist?
Generally, they will resort to narcissistic rage (explosive or passive-aggressive) or denial.
They perceive every disagreement as criticism and every critical remark as abject humiliation.
Narcissists desire perfection so even the slightest challenge to that self-perception is seen as a threat. They react defensively and become indignant, aggressive and emotionally detached.
They cannot accept any sort of disagreement, criticism or accountability for their actions.
“Narcissists react with narcissistic rage to narcissistic injury”.“Narcissistic injury” is any threat (real or imagined, no matter how slight) to the narcissist’s grandiose self-perception as perfect or omnipotent.
For example, if he gets emotionally close to someone he begins to fear that abandonment is inevitable.
That causes him to act cruel and distance himself which often results in the abandonment that he feared.
It is also common for him or her to project everything you say about on to you.
For example, if you confront them about infidelity, they will turn it around and claim that you must be the one who cheated for you to even bring it up.
If you are looking for those outcomes you will invest excessive amounts of time and energy but with a minimum likelihood of success.