I’m not sure if you were looking for a physical object (like the aforementioned magic wand), a personality test (like the 436 questions on e Harmony’s profile), or maybe just a subtle series of questions that you can drop into every day conversation (ex.“Are you a player or are you a genuinely sincere guy?”) If it sounds like I’m teasing you, Ashley, well, I am.
Explain the mindset shift that took place for you that allowed you to become “reformed”, emphasizing the benefits you’ve experienced as a result.
Transition, then, into sharing your excitement about dating this new person and the appreciations you have toward him.
Make sure you always keep your non-negotiable/deal-breaker needs in the forefront of your mind and screen your dating partner for goodness-of-fit.
The more experiences you share with him, the more able you will be to test consistency of his behavior and character. “I was very happy with the experience of working with Brian.
Sometimes as specified earlier, it could be a self-esteem issue in that their need for validation is so strong, that once they perceive it as being obtained, they move on to the next person in an endless pursuit of “strokes” from other people that they’re “good enough” and valued.
And sometimes these men are married in heterosexual marriages or are already partnered in a gay relationship with someone else and will never fully be available or have any intention of deepening a relationship with the single, yet hopeful gay dater.
You advise us to be careful with the alphas and Mr. Well, it’s not always easy to spot them for women, especially for the attractive ones.
It’s easier for men to know other men, you can easily say if such guy is a player or not; but it’s sometimes difficult for women due to the mixed signals. I wish there was a way – a kind of test for women to figure out who can walk their talks, who is genuinely compassionate and kind, before we got emotionally invested. I observe how they treat waiters etc., yet some of men are really good at hiding their true selves for a long time (until they’re sure of you). I wish women could have practical tools to measure up men before they got involved and eliminate the narcissists/players. You made a statement: “It’s hard to tell if a man is a good guy.
• I was never “whipped” and never had the “you just know” feeling. • I had never had a girlfriend for longer than 8 months before. That my moral code and integrity were my most valued traits.
• She wasn’t my “type” – liberal, Ivy League, ambitious, East Coast. After 16 months, I was either going to propose or break up and I didn’t know which. So even though she could tell that I had a wide alpha-male, know-it-all streak, it was always tempered by the fact that I was sensitive, open and honest with her – even when I was confused about our future.
Once he’s gotten what he wants, he tends to taper off his contact with the person or completely disappears with no word.