SAGITTARIUS: Sag floats out of her body and has to laugh at the stupid way she bought the farm.
However, if they deem it to be advantageous for the future of their career, they may splurge on a designer item for their boss--but only if they really want that promotion (they do).
An AQUARIAN believes that the so-called "holidays" are too Christianity based and refuses to participate in the festivities unless all major world religions merge together to create a Great Brotherhood of Universal Peace.
Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they've made a decision, they're almost impossible to stop.
When your love is a sure thing, you want a Taurus condom. Taurus condoms are the ones you want when you're really horny.
He/she spends the entire month of December progressing for social and spiritual reform, and urges their friends to do the same.
A PISCES does not buy or receive any gifts because they believe themselves to be all alone in this world, detached from the rest of humanity because they are the only ones who could possibly understand the true nature of human suffering.
Although they promised themselves throughout the year that they would limit the number of friends on their gift list as they struggled each month to get out of the debt inflicted by last year's shopping spree, a SAGGITARIAN will inevitably succumb to the "spirit of the holidays" and spend every last penny on holiday cheer.
A CAPRICORN is too immersed in his/her individual financial plan to squander their hard-earned savings on frivolous gifts because of some arbitrary point in the earth's revolution.
They always come in special pop up dispensers so that you don't have to work too hard.