Online dating for smart people

So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me. Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.

Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother (or sister).

I wrote a whole 280-page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one.

At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person.

It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results).

Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.

Here's the thing: Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel.

And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.

So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1,000 times worse once they're tossed from the warm womb of their alma mater. For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Be "well-rounded." Well, you're a talented little bugger. At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement.

From my observations, the following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people. So whether you went (or should have gone) to the likes of Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Stanford, Columbia, Cornell, Swarthmore, Amherst, Dartmouth, Brown, Oxford, Cambridge, Berkeley, Penn, Caltech, Duke, read on: 1. Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things -- like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human.

In other words, you need to earn love (or at least lust).

Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment (or put-down), giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy.

The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, indulged in them as a student.

34 Comments

  1. You can also lock-release Flash by pressing on the "puzzle" icon in the top right corner of your browser.

  2. You rubbing my tits like that just had me so worked up.

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