The message inside was in response to a fight we'd had the night before — a fight so volcanic and ugly that, as I sat there typing at my desk, I felt as if I was going to throw up. The clash had been about our 18-month-old son and it lasted all of five minutes.
But the next morning, I felt as though we were still raging at each other, still entrenched in battle.
This means you simmer every time you notice the garage is still a mess, the gutters are still not on the house, the mailbox post is practically rotted through.
My ex-boyfriend had been verbally and emotionally abusive, and ever since the collapse of that relationship, I was extremely sensitive to any kind of cruelness or contempt. Honestly, I expected him to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness."OK," I said in a steely voice. This is partly why I'm struggling with forgiveness, according to Frank Fincham, Ph. "A hurt in marriage is particularly poignant, precisely because you've made yourself vulnerable," he says. At the same time, I know I don't live in one of my son's fairy tales where happily married couples always play nice.
"But it's not like I can just forget what happened. For me, that blistering fight opened a chasm in my marriage, and ever since then I see my husband differently. After all the time that's passed, I'm still harboring resentment. Oddly enough, vulnerability is the very thing that makes marriage so valuable."Marriage allows you to be yourself and not put up any more pretenses," Dr. In other words, you feel secure and have such faith in your husband that you expose all your tender parts. The truth is, if your spouse hasn't already done or said something that hurt you, he will.
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I don't want to "adapt" to the problem that triggered our fight in the first place.
At the time of our blowup, he was in a job he hated.
When I reflect on the fight and turn it over in my mind, I think of the cruel words, the middle finger, the fact that Jack wasn't there for me (or our son) when we needed him to be. In the three years since our fight, we've had sex five times, strong evidence that our relationship is ailing. The trick, it seems, is releasing my toxic grudge but not forgetting what happened. It took time (and one year of therapy) but eventually, I forgave him.